Rosalie's Diary
by KaatiieeXD
Summary: Why is Rosalie so mad? How does Emmett put up with her bitterness? Why is Alice so mad at her? And how will the rest of the Cullens react to reading Rosalies diary? First fanfic please R&R x
1. Explainations

_Dear Diary  
Uhh hey. How's it? Rosalie here, Emmet bought me a diary as apparently I have too much pent up anger, which I think is ridiculous. Initially I refused to write in it (you?) because I don't have a problem, I'm fine! But then Alice told me about how both Jasper and Edward were getting angsty listening to my thoughts and emotions around Bella and the family lately, and that it was causing a drift in the family, which is the last thing we need right now. She seemed to think that me writing down all my thoughts and what not would help me to release all my anger and frustration so no-one else would have to listen to it. Which I can sort of understand and well, they're my brothers, I'd do anything for them. I know everyone thinks I'm some kind of horrible bitch who's bitter and wanting to live my life through Bella (that's what Alice accused me of the other day, "I know you wanted children Rosalie, but you can't make Bella have children for you".) but that's not who I am and to be honest I'm getting sick of everyone thinking I can't take a joke or be happy. I guess I can see that I do come across as nasty though, but I'm just trying to give Bella the chance I never had and make her see why I can't sit back and watch her make that mistake...is that so hard to understand? I don't see why my family are putting her and us at such a huge risk, for their own selfishness. It's not fair on Bella or Edward, or us as a family. Not that they see it that way, they're blinded by Edwards happiness. I feel like I'm the only one who see's the situation as dangerous and unfair as it is, or has the potential to be.  
Anyway, time for the grumpy bitch and her fun loving beefy husband to go hunting, and then indulge in another activity sure to release stress and tension, if you get what I mean :P (I know, shock horror, Rosalie can take a joke.)  
xx_

**ROSE ITS EM. LOOK IM SORRY FOR READING YOUR DIARY, AND ADMITTING TO IT PROBABLY ISN'T SMART (PLEASE DON'T HURT ME BABE) BUT I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS AND THINGS TO SAY. FIRST OF ALL, WE DON'T SEE YOU AS ANGRY AND BITTER, OKAY MAYBE SOMETIMES, AND BELLA PROBABLY DOES RIGHT NOW, AND EVEN IF WE DON'T UNDERSTAND OR AGREE WITH YOUR OBJECTIONS TO ALL THIS, WE STILL LOVE YOU COS YOUR OUR SISTER AND MY BABY. I KNOW YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE, OTHERWISE WHY WOULD YOU BE WITH ME, AKA THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVERRRRRR. BUT ROSE, WHY ARE YOU SO UNHAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE? IS BEING A VAMPIRE THAT BAD FOR YOU? DO YOU HATE THIS LIFE THAT MUCH?... AND HOW ARE WE BEING SELFISH BY WANTING BELLA TO BE PART OF OUR FAMILY, SHE WANTS IT JUST AS MUCH AS WE DO (MINUS YOU AND EDWARD). PLEASE DONT BE ANGRY AT ME HUN I LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU SWEETIE. LET'S GO 'RELEASE SOME STRESS AND TENSION' :p:p. XXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Oh Emmet! Why would you read my diary??!  
Okay so I'm not surprised really, disappointed and angry maybe, as you might have noticed because I haven't spoken to you since reading this. And no more 'releasing stress and tension', in the way you mean anyway for ATLEAST a week. This is meant to be a diary, not a letter to you!  
Okay calm down Rosalie. To try and answer your questions etc, first of all I know that YOU don't see me as bitter and grumpy all the time, but that's cos you know me better than I know myself sometimes. And I can be myself around you, and you bring out the best in me, because you love me and accept me for me and I don't have to share you like I do the rest of the family. I belong to you, but at the same time Em, there are obviously things about me that you don't understand. So maybe now's the right time to let you know and help you understand. Just keep in mind, that no matter what I say, you are the light of my life, and truly the best thing that has ever happened to me... Okay so your questions...Why am I so unhappy with my life? Is being a vampire that bad? Do I hate life that much? Um um so...You know what happened to me as a human, and that i was left by the one person who was meant to love me for the rest of my life and give me the family and love i desired. By becoming a vampire, I lost chance to be a mother. I lost the chance to grow old and see my brother grow old with me, I never got to have a baby girl or boy, to have that big wedding and grow old with my husband. Bella is too young to understand what she's giving up. Emmet you have to know I would give anything to have that life, it's all I ever wanted and Bella is ready to give it up just like that. I know what you're going to say, that she's the same age as I was when I was changed, but things were different then. It was normal for a girl of my age to be married and settling down, it was expected of us. We were made to grow up so much faster, girls these days are allowed to be young much longer than us, and they have so many more opportunities than I did. I just think if Bella waits a couple of years... you know. Babe, I'm happy in general. But if I had been given the choice between life as a human or eternal life, I'd want to be a human. Not because I hate all this and you and our family, but because I have such a strong longing for a child hunnie. Carlisle only changed me because I was going to die anyway, same with Edward and Esme, and that's why I changed you as you know. But Bella's alive and well. SHE has that choice I always wanted. I'm jealous and it's breaking my heart to know that she could wait a few years and then make this choice. Edward would still be where ever she is, she knows that and she knows he'd be willing to change her when she's old enough and has been through enough to be able to make that decision wisely.  
And as for how you're all being selfish... okay maybe I'm being a bit harsh. But you're all so eager to turn her into a vampire that you're exploiting the fact that she wants it too, your thinking about what she wants, not what is best for her. What happens if after a couple of years she decides she wants a child after all? Or she misses Charlie and Renee; you know how much that would break Edwards's heart. I don't ever want to see him hurt that much Em, he's the closest thing to a brother I've ever had. I know me and him aren't as close as him and Alice, but he helped me through my change, and was my best friend for the best half of my vampire life so far, until I met you. You know what he's like babe; he'd forever blame himself and probably do something extremely stupid (such as got to Italy...flashback anyone?). Edwards been empty, and it is great to see him so alive and happy for once, but Esme and Carlisle are using his happiness to guide their decisions. They want Bella in our family, which is great, I do too eventually, but now isn't the right time. Alice see's Bella as her new best friend, and a barbie doll to dress up and play with. Jasper is of course driven by Edwards emotions of course, no doubt he doesn't want to have to feel all that angst and despair any more. And you hun, I see how you light up when Bella is around; she's the little sister you always wanted. To laugh at and joke with and protect. But babe, I need you to see my point of view. She doesn't need this as much as she thinks she does, or as much as you all think we do.  
Woah, so there's a novel for yah. Em, I'm still angry at you for reading my diary, but at the same time I'm not. Cos it's given me a way to explain to you how I feel, you know I'm no good with words in person. I love you my grizzly bear, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooooooo_


	2. Confrontations

A/N: Hi all please review. You have no idea how much your reviews inspire me to write more. If I don't get reviews, I tend to think it means no1 liked much about the story, so I am not motivated to write more.  
Tell me what you do/don't like. What you want to see, who's point of view, whether or not you agree with how I'm portraying characters. Or just comment telling me you've read it. I am EXTREMELY shy about my work, and unsure of the opinions of you who read it. So let me know how I'm going. Don't be afraid to tell me you hate it, I'm a big girl I can handle it   
Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters; they all belong to SM who I am totally in awe of.

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**SORRY SORRY SORRY AGAIN FOR THE READING YOUR DIARY THING. BUT LIKE YOU SAID BABE, THIS WAY WE CAN SORT THINGS OUT RIGHT? I KIND OF KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE BELLA BEING CHANGED NOW THING, BUT ROSE SHE'S IN SO MUCH DANGER AS A HUMAN, SHES A WALKING DEATH TRAP AND WE KNOW THE VOLTURI ARE AFTER HER. BESIDES, IT'S WHAT SHE WANTS AND SHOULDN'T IT BE UP TO HER? YOU'RE RIGHT, SHE DOES HAVE THE CHOICE AND THIS IS WHAT SHE'S CHOOSING. I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE WITH YOU ROSE, AND I FULLY SEE YOUR POINTS. ROSALIE YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT? YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME; YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND GAVE ME EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED. BUT IM NOT THE ONLY ONE IN OUR FAMILY WHO LOVES YOU AND ACCPETS YOU FOR YOU, THE OTHERS LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS ME. YOU'RE THE BIG SISTER WE ALL NEED TO KEEP US GROUNDED AND REMIND US OF WHAT WE WERE. AND IM SORRY I CANT GIVE YOU THE LIFE YOU WANT, THE CHILDREN AND OLD AGE...BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING OKAY. I TRY TO MAKE YOU AS HAPPY AS YOU'VE MADE ME.  
I KNOW YOU HAVE EDWARD AND BELLAS BEST INTERESTS AT HEART AND YOU THINK WE'RE BEING SELFISH BUT BABE IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE. IT'S BELLA'S DECISION. SHE ISN'T AS FRAIL AS YOU THINK SHE IS AND SHE'S SMART. WHY MAKE HER WAIT? BESIDES BABE, IT'S NOT UP TO US, SO DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT IT I AHTE TO SEE YOU SAD XXXXXXXX**

_Emmett I'm scared. What if Bella replaces me in the family? You're the only one I really make happy, to everyone else I'm just the stubborn angry bitter girl who can't let go of her past. Alice has accepted Bella as her sister, no questions asked. Am I that bad of a sister that Alice was so desperate for a new one? I know you think I'm some kind of angel, but I'm not, I am so flawed, and Bella brings that out in me so now everyone can see. And Jasper and I have always been close, he's the only one who seems to understand not being happy and comfortable as a vampire, but even he doesn't agree with me about this. I know Carlisle regrets changing me; I can see it in his eyes Em. I'm nothing but a disappointment. And now this girl, this girl who has everything I ever wanted is walking into my life and taking my place, she's taking my place in the family, she's better at it than I ever was. Everyone has their part in this family; Edward's the oldest brother who can do no wrong. You're the laid back, tough, funny brother who would do anything to protect his family. Alice is the bubbly, lovely sister who everybody loves. Jasper's the sensitive bother that is always there to diffuse a situation and make us all see reason. And Esme and Carlisle are the doting mum and dad who support their children with all they have. Who am I? I don't fit in Emmett. I feel like a doll, and it's my turn to be put on the shelf and be forgotten. Bella has everything I want and she's throwing it away Em! I know it's not my life Emmett but how can I be happy with that? How can I watch her do this? I know what I'm saying makes sense, I KNOW I'm right!! But no-one will listen to me; they think it's just me being me. I don't know what to do Emmett. I feel so helpless. You're the only one who makes me feel like I actually belong in this life, in this family so don't you dare apologise for not being able to give me children or old age. I changed you out of selfishness Emmett, I couldn't let you die. You are my life Emmett. And I know you try, you make me so happy, happier then I deserve to be. I love you. So much. Rose xxxxx_

**ROSE! SHIT I ONLY HAVE LIKE TWO MINUTES COS ALICE IS BEHIND ME, SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE DIARY AND SHES READ IT AND SHE WANTS TO WRITE AND IM SORRY BUT SHES PUNCHING ME AHHH LOVE YOU BABE**

Omg, you accuse us of being selfish, look who's talking! You know what I think Rosalie? You're jealous. Plain and simple. You've always felt left out of our family, no matter what we do or how hard we try to show you that we love you, you think you don't belong. You think being a vampire is a cross you'll have to bear for eternity, but it's not your cross Rose! You made it your cross! I know it's not easy for you but it's not easy for any of us! You're so full of regret and self sorrow that you don't realise that you're surrounded by people who love you unconditionally! Have you ever thought how that makes us feel?! Have you wondered what that does to Esme and Carlisle? No, because it's all about you Rosalie Hale, and now you can't stand the fact that someone else is getting some attention. You can't stand the fact that we have all accepted Bella into our family just like that. She's going to be changed sooner or later, so what if she's not dying? She WANTS to be in our family, she WANTS to be our sister, and yes believe it or not she even wants you as a sister. Look I hate being cross with you, your my sister and I love you, but I can't just stand by and watch you hurt my family like you are. Our family. You have this wall up all the time, this tough rigid barrier that lets no-one through. We see the cracks Rose; we see the hurt and despair you try to hide. WE KNOW YOU. We know you try to hide yourself so you won't get hurt like you did by Royce. No-one deserves what happened to you, no-one can deny that, but Rose let us in. Talk about it. You're my sister, that's what sisters are for and you've done nothing but push us away. You're not the weak link in our family, for god's sake; you're just as important to us as Carlisle or Jasper. We know you can be happy and take a joke, we've seen you being compassionate and loving and free with your beautiful smile. Not the pursed lips smile, or the forced laugh, but the laugh that you use when you forget all your insecurities and fears. Remember that time Emmett and Jasper 'kidnapped' us and took us to Vegas? You were so happy then, mucking around in the casinos and getting married for the tenth time (at least). Or watching you watch Edward play piano, the pride you have for your brother is so obvious. And the time we went to visit Tanya and Kate and their family, and watched Edward trying to get away from Tanya, I don't think I've ever seen you laugh so hard. You forget Ms Hale that we know you, family are there for each other, and Bella is family now. Bella is NOT going to replace you. How could you even think that Rosalie? Who do I go to when I feel insecure about my past? Who steals all your clothes and takes you shopping to buy more to steal off you? Who plans your weddings and gossips all night with you? I do Rose, and that's never going to change. I need you in the same way I need Esme to be my mother, and Edward to be my brother. I'm angry Rose, angry that you're being selfish and trying to make us feel guilty for wanting Bella to be part of our family. Bella doesn't want a baby, and as much as that may hurt you Rosalie, it's not your decision to make. Bella doesn't want a baby, she wants Edward and she's not going to be happy until she's a vampire and can have her happy ever after. Just because it's not the same as your idea of a happy ever after doesn't mean she doesn't deserve it. She's not throwing her life away Rosalie, Edward IS her life now and you're just going to have to accept that. Sure she's going to miss her mum and dad but that's a choice she is willing to make. Bella knows all these things, she knows the risks she is taking and is prepared for that. We aren't talking right this minute Rosalie, but sometime in the near future, you had better get used to the idea. None of us want to see Edward get hurt, but he's been hurting for his whole vampire life Rose, he's finally happy for once. Their forbidden love is such a beautiful thing, their relationship is going to have its ups and downs but the love that they have for each other is enough to get them through it, and it's all part of the ride. Edward will see sense, he knows deep down it's what's best. Besides, two words, 'The Volturi'... it's got to happen soon anyway other wise she will be killed. You didn't see the way they looked at Bella, Rose. They want her and I will NOT let that happen to the girl my brother is in love with. So stop being selfish and stubborn and talk to your family, because your breaking our hearts. – Alice.  
P.S. Carlisle only regrets changing you because he can see how unhappy and hurt you are. He doesn't regret that you are part of our family, because he loves you and any dad loves their daughter. So how about you stop being so ungrateful to the man who gave you life, who saved you from death because you are hurting him more than you know Rosalie. That is why I'm angry with you Rosalie, because you don't understand or see what you are doing to the people who love you.


	3. Retaliation

_Woah don't hold back Alice. Geez. So for the record I TRIED to talk to Alice about this but apparently we aren't talking at the moment. Fine. All I can say is that you have NO idea what it's like Alice, and you won't listen so how can I explain?! I don't hate Bella, contrary to your opinion. And I'm not jealous of her either, well not in the 'i want Edward AND all the attention' way. I heard you talking to Esme before, and just so you're clear I LOVE EMMETT. Edward is my brother Alice, that's disgusting. As I mentioned before (which I'm sure you read) Edward helped me overcome so many of my fears and pain throughout my first couple of years as a vampire and knows me better than anyone, so of course I have that bond with him in that way. He's the only one who has taken the time to understand me without judging me. So shut up and stop acting like you know everything. Carlisle knows that I love him, more than I ever loved my 'real' dad. He and Esme know that Alice, I don't need you telling me what my family feel. I know I have made some mistakes and that sometimes my 'attitude' affects you guys, and I'm sorry. But it's not like I do it on purpose. You're right about one thing though, I've never felt like a real 'Cullen', like one of the family. I just don't fit in, not as well as you or Emmett, or even Bella. I don't take a back anything I feel cos thats how I feel. But I'm sorry if thats how YOU feel. Look, Your my sister, I love you. You frustrate me like only a sister can and I trust you completely, but you don't understand. I'm not saying that I don't WANT to fit in, or that I don't feel like you guys are my family, because you are my family. And you're all the only reason I am still here. I love you all. I guess in a way I have the family I always wanted, but the role I wanted is taken, and I don't know how to fit in. I'm not a good daughter or a good sister, and yes its true you come to me for all those things, but hello when was the last time that happened Alice? Oh.. maybe a month or two before Bella Swan came into our lives. See what I mean? She's already more of a part of this family than you realise. What am I supposed to do?! All I wanted was to be a mother. God Alice you KNOW all this. It's hard for me to let you all in because you don't understand. How could you understand? I don't want to bring you guys down, not now of all times especailly. But I do think that you're making the wrong decisions about Bella. and you know perfectly well how i feel about that and I'm SICK of you getting all defensive of her. I am NOT going to change my mind on that one, so YOU had better get used to THAT idea Alice Cullen. I'm not going to say anymore about that though, my opinions only get me into trouble.  
Oh, and just because you can see the future, doesn't mean you know everything about me OR my family. So get off your freaking high horse._

**Rose, it's Jasper. Sorry about Alice, she tells me to tell you she isn't talking to you because as much as you go on about us not understanding, YOU don't understand. But I'm not here to talk for Alice, there's a few things I want to say.. First of all, sorry for reading your diary..and just so you know I told Emmett not too last week but obviously he ignored me. Okay. So. I know you feel like on-one pays any attention to you and you feel like no-one understands you, except maybe Edward. And now Edwards preoccupied with Bella so you feel even more left out, but you forget Rose, I'm your 'twin' ;). You're right, we've always been close. This whole situation doesn't change anything! I know how you feel. Literally. I know you probably think it's irrelevant, but you're forgetting what I went through with Maria. I was hurt by the one who promised me her love forever. What I felt for her wasn't love though, it was admiration and a desperate desire to please her. But she used me, much like Royce used you. She hurt me, and made me do things that i HATE myself for now, which you know. I'm telling you this too try and show you that you aren't the only one with a terrible past that haunts you. Esme lost her baby remember? Alice doesn't know her past, you have no idea how much that torments her despite the tough face she puts on. You know, you and Alice are so much alike in that respect. And Esme. You all find it hard. The difference is though, they have managed to accept the past and the furture, and embrace it. You know, I get how you feel about not fitting in, but I'd be lost without you sweetie, you're my favourite sister. Ain't nothing gonna change that. B****ut you're stuck in the past Rose. Please listen to me when I tell you that we NEED you. We need you to be a part of our family. The Cullens aren't the Cullens without you sis.  
****And we understand more than you think.  
Love Jaz. Xxxo  
P.S. ****By the way, in your first 'diary' entry you said that Alice had said your emotions and thoughts were causing a drift in the family. I can imagine how her saying that would make you feel like crap, so I thought I'd just say that it's not that that's causing a drift in our family. Sure me and Edward pick up on you emotions/thoughts alot, but us being angsty because of it isn't whats wrong here. Sometimes, all the emotions in the house get overwhelming for me, thats true. But it's not your fault hun, don't blame yourself. We have so much going on right now. I'm still dealing with my own feelings around Bella, I've already shown I don't have full control around her. And Edward is one messed up ball of emotions at the moment. And along with Carlisle and Esme's happiness/excitment and concern aswell, it just gets abit crowded here. So I'm sorry if you have been feeling bad about that, it's nothing we can't handle.****  
P.S.S. Alice says she hopes you grow up soon cos she needs some new clothes and Edward won't let Bella out of his sight to go shopping with her. She loves you Rose, she's just angry.**


End file.
